A Letter to the First Man to Break My Heart

Jay,

You were the first man that I ever loved and I thought I could have a real future with. In such a short amount of time I fell for you...hard. You were all I thought about and I wanted to spend every day with you. I wanted to talk to you all day and still fall asleep to the sound of your voice.

Now, almost 2 years laters I still think about you and occasionally miss you but after choosing another girl over me, I could never want you back. Sometimes I wish we could be friends again but I know that wouldn't work.  You were my first heartbreak yet we were friends for years before dating and that is something I can never look past.

You have a new relationship, somewhat new (I of all people know that time doesn't determine anything, I fell for you in just a few short months), but you say you love her on social media. Thats something you never said to me and knowing you I really believe you mean it. With that being said, I genuinely hope that she makes you as happy as you made me and I pray that your relationship flourishes and succeeds. I really hope you treat her well and that she does the same to you.

I still feel the aftermaths of the heartbreak you caused. To this day I have never trusted anyone the way I reluctantly chose to trust you. I haven't been able to give myself emotionally to anyone for fear I will have to experience that same pain and depression I felt after we parted ways almost 2 years ago. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to eat. I would cry while driving; crying so hard I could barely see the road. I would go through the motions of life meanwhile feeling empty and depressed on the inside. This went on for almost a year until I was finally able to pick myself back up. Little by little.

Time heals wounds but the scar will always be left behind. Although I have no anger towards you, I am still affected by your actions. I hope that someday I can learn to trust and love again when the right man comes along.

At the end of the day, I really do want you to be happy and find true love and I hope your current relationship is just that. Wishing you all the best in 2017.



Sincerely,

Minty

Repeat

So yesterday I had practice again. My second track practice this summer. I've been working out and eating better so that I'd have the energy to do my best during practice. I think it worked a little...except that I did feel horrible afterwards. What happened last week happened again yesterday. Except this time I didn't feel dizzy, I just felt hot, sick, tired, out of breath, and thirsty. So I got some water, went to the bathroom, laid down on the floor (in the handicapped stall), and relaxed. I felt like I had to "go" so I "went" and after wards left the bathroom. I then sat down in a cool, shaded area and waited to be picked up and go home. It was bad, but better than last week. It only lasted about 30 minutes as opposed to an hour and a half. I think I'll keep doing what I've been doing and I should be good.

I'll be going to Wisconsin in 7 days. Im SO nervous.

Breakdown

So, practice,yesterday, was a DISASTER. Not only was it awkward and everyone was staring at me...but I started running my workout. Which was eight 150's. I ran three of them and started to feel dizzy. Then I couldn't breathe, my stomach starting twisting up, my legs were so weak I couldn't walk, I felt light headed and tired and I couldn't even talk right. I tried to talk but all that came out was a few words that were kind of mumbled. No one could really understand me. I was a little embarrassed... but mostly in pain. I sat on the floor for like, an hour and a half, in pain, and trying to relax. I don't know what happened, maybe I just was in bad shape or I hadn't eaten enough (there's not much to eat at home). I have no idea. All I know is that I want to be done with track. I don't want something like that to happen again. I'll go to ONE more practice, and if that works out, I'll stick with track. I'll keep you updated. Wish me luck!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures on my recent posts. I don't think any would match.