BYOC

It's been a while since I've done one of these and they're fun, so let's go. As always, these questions are brought to us by It's Just Me, Drazil and Sheniqua

illusion.scene360.com

What's your most favorite noise and your least favorite noise?
My most favorite would be rain. I mean, what else is there? Least favorite is probably the sound of smacking gum. Really? Calm yo mouth down and stop smacking the damn gum!

If you were a character in the movie Grease--who would you be?
The original question says Grease but I'm more familiar with the movie Titanic so I decided to change it. Obviously I would be Rose. It's so romantic to have a guy fall in love with you so much that he would even risk his life for you. It doesn't get cuter than that.

411forfathers.com

What was the name of your best friend in elementary school? Are you still friends?
Well, my first best friend in elementary school was Asia. She was a drama queen and practically treated me like her child so after about three years of being best friends we naturally grew apart and later she moved away. Around the same time that I first met Asia, I also became best friends with Eva. We are still the best of friends now, I can and will always be able to talk to her about anything. 

Who is your current celebrity crush?
Oh Lord, don't get me started. You know how much I love to gush about my crushes. Right now, I'm drooling over Hugh Jackman. I have a thing for the older celebrities (Ryan Reynolds, Bradley Cooper, Shemar Moore, Anderson Cooper, Robert Downey Jr.--keep in mind that I'm 16) and Hugh is no exception!

First of all...he's Australian, second...the accent, third....his face and smile are gorgeous and fourth...have you seen that body?

I think I've made my point.

http://romanticlovepictures.com

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."

-Pam Brown

BYOC

It's Just Me, Drazil, and Sheniqua is one of my favorite blogs to read. Every Friday she does BYOC--Bring Your Own Crazy where she makes up a few questions and then answers and encourages us to answer as well.

So I've decided this will become a weekly thing because I don't want to neglect my blog and I enjoy doing these.

Keep in my mind that she creates these questions, but I'm going to re-word a few to keep it a little less confusing for those who aren't readers of her blog (which you should be, it's amazing).

So here we go.

ambientevistoriado.com

Sun or Rain? Roses or Tulips? Romantic Movie or Comedy?

Sun when I'm awake, rain when I'm going to sleep. I absolutely LOVE falling asleep to rain. Seriously, it's like heaven. So calming and soothing.

Roses for sure. White roses to be exact. So beautiful.When we get married, Shemar Moore and I will happily have white roses at our reception.

Romantic Movie or Comedy? Honestly, I'm a hopeless romantic, so I'd say romantic movie. But I love my romantic comedies so I'll have to cheat on this question.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Oh, well thank you for asking. Cookies and cream is my absolute favorite! I also love Plain Vanilla, French Vanilla Bean and Strawberry ice cream.

www.autolocksmithswatford.co.uk

Are you a door locker - in your house and car?

Yes. If you have been reading my blog for a while you know I have a huge fear of open doors. Well maybe not fear, but I get super anxious when a door or window is not closed all the way.

Imagine how crazy things would get if I didn't lock the damn doors?

www.efibromyalgiapainrelief.org

Tell me your "go to remedies" for when you are sick?

If you mean crying, complaining, taking Tylenol, complaining some more, sleeping, crying some more, even more complaining and finally some more Tylenol, then sure, I'd love to tell you.

diarygiftideas.com

Repeat question:  Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Blog land: I am loving posting again! I haven't regularly posted in a while but I have posted a total of three times this week.

Come on...you have to give me something for that.

Real life: Well, supporters of the "Eva and Minty Friendship" will be happy to hear that we are on speaking terms again. I woke up today with message after message of her telling me that she hasn't given up on our friendship and that she wants to continue being friends. She also told me that it was no one's fault and we're just going to have to get past this.

Thank you! I'm glad she wasn't just ignoring the issue. It was really starting to upset me. Turns out, she was out of town the whole time she wasn't replying.

Registration was also today, we couldn't do it yesterday for some reason so we tried again today and it worked out perfectly. I don't have classes with any of my friends, but I'm okay with that.

I was hoping I'd see Sean, but no such luck. Maybe it's a good thing. After all, it'd just bring back feelings that I'm afraid to feel.

It's Time To Give Up

A couple days ago Eva messaged me on Facebook saying that we weren't going to be hanging out this weekend and that we could maybe do it later (yeah, I knew that sleepover was never going to happen).

I said okay, told her that I'd be busy this whole week and that we'd have to do it next weekend. Then I added on that I felt we were no longer best friends and that we are both forcing it because we want to be.

I thought it was perfectly reasonable to confess how I've been feeling for a while.

I also mentioned in that same message that I felt that the way I acted in 8th grade (ignoring her and being embarrassed because she was a slut) was the reason why we started to drift away in the first place.

Here I was pouring my guts out, showing my weak side and confessing to her (something I rarely do because I have a fear of appearing weak and helpless) and she clearly didn't give a shit because it's been almost three days and she hasn't called me or replied to the message so we could talk about it.

Now I feel stupid and embarrassed and I might have to see her today at registration and that is the last thing I want to do.

When you have problems with a friend, you don't ignore them and ignore the issue, you talk about it and work it out.

I don't even know why I try. Like I always say, people always give up on me and people always leave my life. I should be used to it by now.

I was stupid and naive to think she would want to work out the problems in our friendship.

I'm done, I'm done trying and I'm done caring.

If she wants to be friends, she'll have to say something to me first because I'm done.

Lost Friendship

I don't deserve to have Eva as a friend. She has always been there for me and has done twists and turns to keep me happy when I needed it most. But where am I when she needs me?

No where.

I'm just at home, sitting on my ass and being lazy.

Her birthday was last week and only just realized a few days ago. I didn't call her, meet up with her or even get her a gift!

I'm a horrible best friend.

I have known her for almost six years now and I couldn't even remember to dial her phone number and  tell her "Happy Birthday, I love you". Nope, not even that.

And then I thought it would be okay to send her a message on Facebook apologizing and telling her I'd have a gift for her.

Really? That's how I make up for being a shitty friend?

I was shocked, but happy, when she replied and didnt seem upset. Even though I know she was.

I don't know what has happened to me. I've been so lost in life and I really do not know what is going on. I've lost touch with my friends and have to force myself to call them or talk to them.

I want to keep Eva as a friend but now I don't know if she wants to have me as a friend. A friendship has to work on both ends.

We're currently planning a sleepover but I don't know if it's going to work out and I really don't know what it's going to be like if it does. It will be awkward since we dropped from being best friends to just...friends. Or at least that's how I feel.

I feel so horrible. I miss being her friend, I miss the way things used to be, when I wasn't so distant.

I blame the 8th grade. I blame society. I blame school. But maybe I should just be blaming myself.

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side." ~Author Unknown

No Vulnerability

dark.pozadia.org

I know what my problem is.

I shut people out. I don't allow myself to get emotionally attached to anyone. I'm afraid to come off as weak.

Why? Because as soon as I do, that person will be gone.

When I was a young, so young I can't even remember, my father left us. My mom always tells me how he didn't treat us right and how his own friends even noticed. My mom took us and started a new life for us. A life without my father. A life my father clearly enjoyed.

At first he would visit us all the time and call almost everyday. He'd be there for Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, even small things like if one of us got sick. But eventually he stopped. He stopped calling, visiting, and he stopped caring.

At that point I was old enough to know what was going on. He had become a drunk, a smoker and someone who couldn't get enough of partying. We, his own family, didn't even matter to him anymore.

I was attached, too far in and was crushed.

He'd call...sometimes. He'd visit...rarely. He'd care...enough to send money. Other than that, he was barely my father. More like a stranger.

Thankfully I was young and was able to trust again.

Fast forward to Junior High. My first year of Junior High I met a girl. We can call her Jennifer. We instantly became friends and in no time were best friends. We'd go to the mall every weekend and I'd spend the night at her house every other weekend. If I had a problem I'd call her crying and she was always there to comfort me. She didn't judge me and never made me feel bad about myself. Jennifer, to this day, was the best friend I had ever had. One day I got a call from her saying that shes moving. I was speechless. She was moving to Indiana. Far, far away from where we lived at the time. She moved that summer. We kept in touch for about a year and then we never saw each other again. She was my best friend, and she left me. She left my life.

Through all of this my other "best friend" Eva was mad at me, for a good two months. Why? I have no idea. One day she just refused to talk to me. I'd beg her to talk to me, work things out. But she refused to even be in the same room as me. It hurt me so much that she didn't care. I had no one to talk to.

I'd lost Eva and Jennifer. And soon I'd lose someone else.

My Uncle had been suffering from Bacterial Meningitis for about a year and a half. He was always in unbearable pain, screaming for his life, praying the pain would end. At one point he lost his sight. We knew the end was near. When it happened--when he died--I didn't even cry. Didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or how to feel. My mom broke the news to me. I was quiet for a moment and then I said "how?" Apparently the doctors found him dead in his hospital bed. This is the man that lived with us for years. Since I could remember! He was my father-figure. In my mind, he replaced my father. The man I loved so much and he too, like my dad, Eva, and Jennifer, left me.

Another two years passed. Eva and I became friends again, but now she's a slut. At this point she didn't give two shits about me. She was head over heels for this guy in our school called Kevin. Some guy who made his way through life thinking only with his penis. Anytime he was around, it's like I wasn't. She'd give him handjobs during class, expose herself to him. She practically said to him "I'm here, take advantage of me. Make me worthless" And that's exactly what he did.

I'd try to tell her that he wasn't right for her. That she's gorgeous and she deserved better. She'd get mad at me, ignore me and talk bad about me to her other friends. "Minty's a virgin, she doesn't understand, she's too religious, she'll never do anything" Words can't explain how much it hurt. I was trying to help her and she rejected me.

As much as it hurt me to see I was slowly losing my best friend, I also knew I didn't want to feel this way again. I didn't want to feel the way I did when I got that call from Jennifer, I didn't want to feel the way I did the night I begged Eva to talk to me and she refused. I didn't want that horrible feeling I had when my Uncle passed. And I definitely didn't want to feel the way I did on the first birthday I spent without a father.

I learned to shut out my feelings and avoid feeling them at all. The more I shut people out the easier it became to deal with things. The less I was hurt, the easier things were. It hurts to hold it all in, but I can't be vulnerable. I've been hurt too many times and I refuse to feel that way again.

Why My Bestfriend's Parents Wouldnt Allow Me to See Her

deviantart.net

I'm just now realizing that I never made a post about why Eva's parent forbade me from seeing her. (To read my post from when I first learned that I wasn't to see Eva, click here, then come back and read this)
Well, she finally told me why.

Apparently I'm not "appreciative" of what they "do for me."
That whenever we got out I expect them to buy me things and pay for my movie tickets or drive me anywhere Eva and I go. And then after all that I'm not grateful enough.

I really don't even know what to say about that.
When Eva told me all this, all I said was that I had been friends with her for more than five years, I didn't think I had to still say "Thank you Ma'am", or "I appreciate it Sir".

To be honest, I don't care what they think is going on.
I know that whenever we go out, I buy my own tickets, I say "thank you" once I've been dropped off. I appreciate all they do for me whether I show it or not.

But if they want to assume shit like that, let them.

I have bigger problems in my life and this doesn't mean I'm losing Eva as a friend so why bother?

lomastv.com

"A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked." 

-Author Unknown

Friends or Frenemies?

photo credit: www.elle.com

So, as everyone knows, friendships fade. People change. They mature, or become immature. Maybe someone new comes into their life and they have forgotten all about you. Sometimes tragedy has struck in their lives. But no matter what people will change.

My bestfriend, Eva, has changed. She's changed to the point that I don't know if we are even bestfriends anymore. I want to be, but it's hard. I absolutely hate her boyfriend. I like to call him Jackass. I'm also a bit jealous of her too. Not because she has a boyfriend and I don't. Not because she is spoiled and I'm far from it. Not because all the guys always want her. Not because she is tall and I'm only 5"3.But because no matter what she does in her life that is "wrong", she still lives better than I ever have. Bad luck seems to follow me, and for her, good luck just chases her as she passes by.
It's true when they say bad things happen to good people.

Anyway, back to the subject. She's become everything I don't want her to be, and everything I don't want myself to be. I almost don't know her anymore.
When it's just her and me, we have a great time. But anytime her racist, ugly, jackass of a boyfriend is around, it's all "let's put Jackass before my bestfriends."

I want to remain her bestfriend. I want her to be mine too. We've been through so much, but there is a time when you have to let nature take it's natural course.

"Best friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget." - Author Unknown

5 Days

So as you all know, about three weeks ago I was invited to go to a track meet in Wisconsin. It would be from the 13th of July to the 18th. I was very nervous since I didn't know anyone except Derek and his sister. I'm very happy I went. I had an amazing time! I made lots of new friends. We went to an aquarium, watched fireworks over Lake Michigan, went to a party, went shopping, and ate out at Golden Corral. It was so much fun! At first it was awkward, but I got to know everyone and had a good time.

The only thing I didn't like were a couple boys there. They kept on making fun of me and calling me ugly. I was a little hurt at first... but then I got over it. Derek was really nice to me. We talked ALOT and flirted even more. He told me I should come back next year since it will be at the beach. And that I should wear a bikini! I hate that I fall for him so fast. Anyway, I will be back next year and I hope he will too. I'm glad I went to Wisconsin. I thought I'd be five days of boredom...but it definitely wasn't. Plus we won the gold at the track meet.

Goodbye...

Today, I was supposed to go to the zoo with my best friend of five years, Eva.
But her parents said no and that they don't want us to hang out anymore...EVER.
So pretty much, after crying and wondering why this is happening, I decided that my life ends here. Ive lost my house, money, friends, most of my family. Now all I have to live for is God and the rest of my family. That should be good enough, but it just doesn't feel like it. I can make new friends. But it just wont be the same...I'm hoping and praying that I can get through this, and that I can have my best friend back.

I guess I can forget all about the beach trip now...

If only...

...I had a boyfriend, to make me happy.
...my uncle were still alive, to make my life happy.
...we were wealthy, I'd be more happy.
...my grandma weren't sick, my mom would be happy.
...those looks guys used to give me would return, to make me feel happy.
...I had true friends, to keep me happy.
...life were easy, everyone would be happy.
...I were perfect, I'd always be happy.
I can't always be happy because I can't control how everything works out.But I can control how I handle each situation. Ive decided to be more happy about what I do have, not what I don't.

I wrote this because last night, I sat on my couch, and cried. About everything that wasn't perfect in life. Then I realized, it will get better. Maybe next year, maybe five years from now.
Everyone has problems, it's how you deal with it that matters. But I believe that God has a plan for everyone, he's just working on the glitches of mine.
No matter how long it takes, when God turns me to the right direction, I will trust him.

"God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have."
-Anonymous

Eva

As promised, in my "Summer" post, I have to tell you about Eva*, and our friendship.

We met in 4th grade. It was about 2 weeks into the school year when she came along.
I didn't really like her, in fact, I hated her. And one day I gave her an invitation to a party that I was having and she literally handed back the invitation and said she didn't want to go. You can imagine that I hated her much more after that.
Then 5th grade came along. We discovered that we lived in the same neighborhood, she lived just down the street!
I went over her house almost everyday that summer.
That's how we became best friends.
All through out middle school we had our ups and downs.
6th grade we didn't talk for a whole month. That's a while for best friends.
7th grade we grew so close, we even went to the beach together.
8th grade...Eva did some things. Everyone called her a whore, and she chose a guy over our friendship. It wasn't til' the last 2 months of school when she stopped her unclassy behavior and we became friends again.
9th grade was an amazing year for our friendship. We got along great and did everything together.
Now, more mature and more prepared, we are closer than ever and I love her!

*Her real name isn't Eva, but I don't want to put her real name on here.