A Letter to the First Man to Break My Heart

Jay,

You were the first man that I ever loved and I thought I could have a real future with. In such a short amount of time I fell for you...hard. You were all I thought about and I wanted to spend every day with you. I wanted to talk to you all day and still fall asleep to the sound of your voice.

Now, almost 2 years laters I still think about you and occasionally miss you but after choosing another girl over me, I could never want you back. Sometimes I wish we could be friends again but I know that wouldn't work.  You were my first heartbreak yet we were friends for years before dating and that is something I can never look past.

You have a new relationship, somewhat new (I of all people know that time doesn't determine anything, I fell for you in just a few short months), but you say you love her on social media. Thats something you never said to me and knowing you I really believe you mean it. With that being said, I genuinely hope that she makes you as happy as you made me and I pray that your relationship flourishes and succeeds. I really hope you treat her well and that she does the same to you.

I still feel the aftermaths of the heartbreak you caused. To this day I have never trusted anyone the way I reluctantly chose to trust you. I haven't been able to give myself emotionally to anyone for fear I will have to experience that same pain and depression I felt after we parted ways almost 2 years ago. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to eat. I would cry while driving; crying so hard I could barely see the road. I would go through the motions of life meanwhile feeling empty and depressed on the inside. This went on for almost a year until I was finally able to pick myself back up. Little by little.

Time heals wounds but the scar will always be left behind. Although I have no anger towards you, I am still affected by your actions. I hope that someday I can learn to trust and love again when the right man comes along.

At the end of the day, I really do want you to be happy and find true love and I hope your current relationship is just that. Wishing you all the best in 2017.



Sincerely,

Minty

Thoughts #6- Sex, No Big Deal?

You always hear "when did teenagers start having sex"?

But I'm wondering when did sex become so meaningless?

Don't people want to have sex with the person they love? Doesn't anyone want to feel passion and romance towards the person they are with?

Image: Michal Marcol/FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

I feel like society, TV, movies and just regular people like you and me make sex seem like something everyone should just do for the fun of it.

As you all should know by now, I am a virgin. And a proud one at that.
I have no idea what sex is like, but I don't feel like I need to find some random guy and just "get it over with". As my best friend, Eva, has proved, that is not the way to go.

Image: photostock/FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

I want to have that connection with a guy, I want to feel closer to him.

I feel like sex brings a lot of powerful emotional feelings and if not with the right person, those feelings can be very confusing and ruin a relationship.
Which is why I never understand the people who have meaningless sex with any random person.
Do they not feel those feelings? Do they not care that they are missing out?

Image: Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Again, as you all should know, I'm abstinent.
I'm a very religious Christian and not only does it go against my faith, but it goes against my morals to have sex before marriage and especially with someone I am not in love with.

When I have sex for the first time, it will be with someone I love, someone I can't live without, someone I can trust...someone I can call my husband. And it will be amazing, because I want to look at my husband after my first time and say "I waited for you".

My life, right now.

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Update:  I deleted my account on the dating site. It's only a waste of time.

I made an account on an online dating site for teens. Yes, someone could be posing as a teen, I know. But I'm taking my chances.
I didn't include my real name, or any personal information. I don't even have current pictures of myself. The pictures I put up are the pictures from when I had extensions. I look way different with them off.

Anyway, I'm really excited about it! I've been checking it constantly and I'm already getting friend requests from guys. I've had 6 matches in this week alone!
I have a whole profile devoted to getting to know me better. Part of which you can list your dream guy.

My dream guy?
 A nice, funny, smart, trustworthy, loyal, outgoing guy. Who has an amazing body and even better tan. Cute smile, baseball player's butt, scruffy beard and toned arms. Wealthy, drives a Lamborghini, spoils me, and takes me out to fancy restaurants. 5'11, sexy accent, athletic, and of course great in bed.
Obviously I'm never going to find my dream guy. But if I ever do, I'll let you know!

On a more disturbing note, my best friend, Eva, has been very sexual with her boyfriend lately. Just last weekend, she almost had sex with her boyfriend. Sure they have been together for six months, but they are only freshmen in high school! Apparently, they were naked and he was almost inside her when her parents were coming down the stairs. Luckily, they never got to go all the way.
As you all should know by now, I am 100% abstinent and always will be. So I strongly disapprove with the idea. Even more because neither of them are using any form of protection. The pull out method is not safe. I'm going to talk to her, but I know I cant force my beliefs on anyone. Wish me luck...

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