“The love you seek is seeking you at this moment.”

- Deepak Chopra

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net / Sira Anamwong

2 Days and Counting...

I really thought I would hate high school.

I thought I would be lost at the school and not be able to find any of my classes  but that's not the case. I mean, some classes have been harder to find than others but knowing the room number really helps.

I'm actually having a lot of fun here. I was already in high school but it didn't really feel like it. Being at a freshman campus was not fun at all. Now I'm at "the big school" with the seniors and juniors and it's so exciting!

I feel like I'm growing up and maturing.

I've made a pact with myself this year that I was going to crawl out of my shell, be more confident and be more outgoing than last year, especially since last year I wasn't feeling very confident due to the dreadful Wisconsin trip.

So far, so good. I'm showing personality, I'm being more outgoing and I'm trying to have a little more fun while I can.

I really hope this year will be great!

P.S. Guess who I saw in the halls? Yup, I passed Sean several times in the hallway or going up the stairs. I even saw him in the courtyard just talking to his friends. He did not say one word to me, he didn't even look at me. But I know that he knew I was there. We were pretty close to each other since the halls were so full. It hurt my feelings to be honest, I guess I should have saw it coming. It's not like we're best friends or something.

Who, Me?

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Short post today.

Yesterday I went shopping, of course for nail polish, and at the store I was in, a man was with his son and what looked to be his girlfriend. She was going around looking for things to buy and I could hear him talking to his son and telling him to "go say something to that girl".

I was looking around, trying not to look obvious, and searching for whoever he was talking about.

He kept on saying to his son "she's cute, go on and say something."

It was a small store so there wasn't too many people around and it turns out, he was talking about me! By the time I figured that out I was already blushing and trying to hide my face.

His son never said anything to me, which is a good thing considering he looked way too young for me anyway (at least 12 years old). He seemed really shy, and although I thought it was adorable, I wasn't into him.

I was really flattered by it though.

I left that store with a smile on my face and a whole lot of confidence.

Thoughts #11- Natural is Beautiful

www.healthybeautyproject.com

I now realize that I never told you about the day I went with zero makeup to school.

I know that lots of girls come to school with no makeup and some girls don't ever wear makeup at all. But me, no. I normally wear makeup every single day to school. Whether it's just a small amount of mascara or an entire eye look with eyeshadow, eye liner and mascara.

Well, I was reading Seventeen Magazine one Saturday afternoon and there was this small article where girls all around the nation took a challenge to wear no makeup for a day. One girl even said that it took her less time to get ready in the morning. Of course, knowing me and how long it takes me to get ready for school, I accepted the challenge!

I planned to do it on Monday since the weekend is over and we're back in school, but I forgot. Tuesday morning, on my first day of exams, I woke up and was prepared. I took my shower, got dressed, did my hair, and completely skipped out on the makeup. I saved a whole 10-15 minutes and instead spent it on eating a good breakfast.

Throughout my day at school, I felt so confident, so free, so...pretty. No one gave me weird looks, no one even mentioned the fact that I was makeup-less. They probably didn't notice or could care less. So the 15 minutes I spend on makeup everyday is a total waste. It made me realize that wearing a lot of makeup makes me feel fake and unattractive, when in reality, natural is the most beautiful. I can't even begin to explain how great I felt!

Of course I was scared. I was expecting that everyone would ask me why I looked so different, or what happened to me. I was also expecting that I'd feel awkward and uncomfortable and unattractive. But none of that happened. In fact, my experience was so good that I didn't really wear makeup for the rest of the week--and I loved every second of it.

The Best Days of My Life

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As I mentioned in my last post, this past weekend was State Championships for track! It was held near the beach and was on Friday and Saturday. We left Thursday morning since the meet started really early on Friday and it took a good 6 hours to drive there.

I had a seriously amazing time on the trip. Everyone was just having a good time and enjoying our last couple of days together. Of course, I did talk to Sean. Not as much as I would of liked and definitely not as much as we talked in South Carolina, but we still had a few short conversations and it was nice. I love the feeling I get when I talk to him. Almost like nothing could go wrong and I'm in the best place in the world.

But Thursday, when we went to the beach, I barely even saw him. He was practically avoiding me. When I went to swim in the ocean he left to play volleyball. When I was about to play volleyball, he left to go swimming. I don't really understand why he doesn't want to be around me. I mean, I didn't do anything...

Along with talking to Sean and seeing his hot self at the beach (shirtless!), our team did great at State. Not only do we have seven State Champions on our team, but we also placed really well. The boys won State and the girls got second. We lost by TWO points. Just two. By the last race we were tied for first with another team and we unfortunately lost. We started at a really good lead with the 4x400 relay. But by the third runner we lost our lead and our fourth runner couldn't catch us up. I'm not disappointed though. We all ran our best and most of us ran a personal record! I normally run a 400 in 60-61 seconds but on Saturday I ran it in 59 seconds! Seconds mean a lot in track so when I ran it in 59 seconds I was beyond excited! That has been my goal all year and I reached it!

In all the trip was amazing. Probably the best I've ever been on. I became closer friends with some people, made new friends with others, and just had a great time--period! I cannot wait for next year's track season to begin because I'm still on a high from this past weekend.

A Confession To Myself

It's finally time I stop lying to myself.

I'm scared. Of life, love, people, sex, and everything in between. I care too much what people think, how people will see me, or how I will see myself. I pretty much don't do anything for myself anymore. I do it for other people.

The whole "I'm abstinence because it's the right thing for me and it's in my religion" thing is true. But there's definitely more to it. I'm afraid of being used, heartbroken, or rejected. Maybe this traces back to my father practically walking out on my family and me, but at the same time maybe not. Sex is big for me, it really, truly is. It's something I think about all the time (yes, I'm just like every other teen, I get the hots sometimes too), but I can't imagine ever doing it. Not right now in my life, not in this stage of my life. Just not anytime soon.

And all this damn pressure! Goodness. I can make a whole list of who my friends have had sex with and how many times and where and what it was like (totally exaggerating here). Either all my friends are whores or I need to catch up.

I feel like I don't belong, like I'm not normal. I put on a fake face, go to school and pretend that when I get home all these thoughts won't flow through my head.

Confidence? Or lack there of? I seriously get nervous around my male teachers and they are in their 40s! That day I talked to Sean, no nerves. Afterwards, the next day at practice--so incredibly nervous. Why? I do not know. Maybe I lost some of that high self-esteem I carried during that conversation on the bus. Or maybe I'm just nervous because I feel like I have to impress him now. Either way, that whole Wisconsin thing (I refuse to go in detail, click the label if you want to know) really, totally thrashed my self esteem and it's never going to be as good as it was. Or at least not for a while.

I make excuses for myself, not having control scares me, being vulnerable makes my heart skip a beat and not looking like I have everything together is a no-no. I could go on and on about the things I need to fix about myself.

So when I say I need to stop lying to myself I mean stop telling myself the complete opposite of everything I just said. I need to learn to be true to myself because the way I am now is getting me nowhere and honestly, I'm annoying myself. I just want to live my life without being afraid of this or that or being so damn anxious all the time.

I just want to be happy.

P.S. This is my 200th post!

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not." 

-Author Unknown

photo credit: squidoocdn.com

"BYOC-Bring Your Own Crazy"

I stole this idea from another blog called It's Just Me, Drazil and Sheniqua but it seems fun to answer random questions so I thought I'd try it.

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Tell me about someone you envy.
I don't envy a specific person. But  I do envy the beautiful, successful, and confident women in the world. I hope someday I end up as happy as they must be.

What makes you angry?
Okay, many things make me angry, or just plain annoy me. But the thing that makes me the angriest is when someone leaves the light on if it was OFF when they entered the room. Then I have to get up and do it myself. It's not that hard to turn it back off on your way out!

credit: toonpool.com

What do you do when you feel very sad and depressed? Listen to music. Sometimes if I'm sad I'll listen to a song I can relate to. It makes me feel like I can get through whatever I'm going through.
But other times I'll listen to something upbeat, like "Only Girl" by Rihanna, to get me in a better mood.
Either that or I write in my journal.

If you were stranded on a lonely beach, what five things would you want to survive?
My Bible, Tampons, Food, Knife, and Snuggie.
My Bible because I need God in my life, tampons because if I'm on a beach, I prefer a tampon than a disgusting pad.  Food because I eat a lot and get hungry easily, a knife for protection, and my Snuggie because it's so warm and comfy.

Summarize your life in real life and blog life.
To be honest, they are very much alike.
Sometimes when I post on my blog, I feel like I can't put my feelings into words. Almost like there isn't a word created for that specific feeling or thought.  But I try my best.
But in real life, I'm not as outspoken. I definitely voice my opinion and I'm not afraid to either. But when it comes to the things that hurt me deeply, I tend to keep it to myself.

This was really fun, I might start doing this every other Friday...but we'll see.

Thoughts #5- Size Doesn't Matter

This isn't going to be one of those typical stories telling you that you are perfect the way you are and that you shouldn't listen to what society thinks.

Because we all know that, and if you don't, you should.

This is me ranting. About how so many people think that skinny is unhealthy and that a "real woman" isn't thin. That it's okay to say "You need to eat!" to a thin person, and not think it's rude.

Just because we are thin doesn't mean we starve ourselves.
Just because we are thin, doesn't mean we have an eating disorder.
Just because we are thin, doesn't mean we are unhealthy.
And most importantly...
just because we are thin, does not mean we have easy lives and we don't have to worry about what we eat.

I'm 5"3 and 103 pounds.
My height is because my mother is short.
My weight is because I have a lot of muscle.

But never have I starved myself, made myself throw up, or taken laxatives. 
I may eat healthy, but that doesn't mean I'm always "dieting".

People assume things like that too easily. Some people are naturally skinny.
There is no such thing as "too skinny" if you are completely healthy.
I understand if someone is suffering from anorexia or some other disorder. But if the person is completely fine, let them be skinny!

There is a clear difference between an anorexic person and a normally thin person.

Anorexia

Naturally Thin

If people say size doesn't matter to girls with a bigger body, why doesn't it apply to girls with thinner bodies?

It makes me so angry when people say that thin girls are gross and unhealthy. What about the overweight or obese people who are at risk for many diseases?
Is that what I need to be to get everyone's approval?

People are too close minded and ignorant.

I refuse to change my lifestyle to meet other's standards. 
I love my healthy, naturally thin body and I wouldn't have it any other way.

10 Favorites of 2010

Kaboodle.com

Mascara

 Covergirl's Lash Blast Length mascara makes my eye lashes so long, it's scary!

 

Movie

My Sister's Keeper is the best movie I have seen this year.It's so touching, inspirational, and sad. It's a truly unforgettable movie.

Blog

No doubt about it, redcarpet-fashionawards.com is my favorite blog...period. I have been so addicted to it. I love her opinion about what celebrities wear, how they wear it and who designed it. Her blog is also a great way to discover new designers.

Celebrity

I wouldn't be Minty if I didn't mention Shemar Moore at least once a month on my blog. All this year I have gone on and on about his sexy body and his amazing acting skills. I hate to be one of those girls who gets obsessed with a celebrity, but when it comes to Shemar Moore, I can't help it.

torrentsland.com

 Song

Kate Voegele singing "Hallelujah" almost made me cry. Her voice is so beautiful, so breathtaking. She hits every note just right. I used to come home from school everyday and the first thing I did was listen to this song. It's just so amazing.

gooddealmama.com

Nail Polish

I have so many that it's too difficult to pick a favorite. But my favorite brand has to be Nicole by OPI.

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Bra

I thought I'd be really random with this one. 

My number one, favorite bra is the Emma Extreme Air Pushup Bra from Aerie. Of course this isn't something I wear everyday, but a little push up is nice. Especially when it bumps you up a whole bra size!

fullonshows.com

T.V. Show

Not only is my favorite actor, Shemar Moore, in Criminal Minds, but it's an all around amazing show. The cases get so emotional and intense. I never want to miss a minute of it! Every episode is something so new and interesting. 

Oh, and did I mention that the incredibly attractive Shemar Moore is in it?

www.msairmaxnheels.com

Store

Definitely Forever21. No other store can ever compete with it. 

The affordable prices, the good quality, the great deals, the cute clothes, what more could you ask for?

Moment

The day I woke up a better, confident, happier person was one of my favorite moments in 2010.

My New Years Resolutions

My second one:

Be more confident in myself.

There is always that voice telling me "You're beautiful."

But then there is always that voice telling me I'm not.

I actually never had a problem with this until last summer when I went to Wisconsin for a track meet and a few of the guys thought it would be fun to yell nasty things at me. 

That completely thrashed my self-esteem for a while. I wore more makeup, I perfected my hair where ever I went and I even started to dress more provocatively. 

After finding myself, and watching a few episodes of The Tyra Show (laughs),  my confidence was incredibly boosted.

But my New Years Resolution will be to stay confident and to believe in myself more.

I am beautiful, everyone is,  and it's time I start seeing that.

Besides, being insecure is too much work.

Thoughts #3- Girls and Makeup

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Makeup. I feel like girls who wear makeup are misunderstood. Not every makeup wearing girl in the world is insecure or ugly like some people think.

Wearing makeup is fun. There are so many colors to choose from, so many brands, so many products and so much you can do with it! Almost like being an artist. Your face is an empty canvas and you "paint" it with makeup. I know I always get excited when I buy new eyeshadow. Its just another thing I can play with!

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Yes, some girls wear " a lot" of makeup. But that doesn't necessarily mean they are insecure or they think they are ugly. It could just be that they like the look of thick eyeliner, or they love wearing black eyeshadow on their entire eyelid. For them, makeup could be a hobby. Just like painting, or sewing, or any other creative hobby.
It is their preference of how much makeup is "too much" for them...not anyone else's.

Makeup is a good way to enhance your features. If you have beautiful, plump lips you can show them off with a pretty lipstick. Or if your eyes are the most gorgeous green, you can add a complementary eyeshadow color that will brighten up your eyes. When you're looking a little tired and dull, you can use some blush to bring some life into your face.

Wearing makeup is also a way to boost your confidence. I don't mean that anyone who wears makeup has no confidence without it. But makeup can give someone more confidence than they already have. 


I know that anytime I wear makeup, whether it is just a little eyeliner, a small amount of mascara, or a full face of makeup. I always feel a little more confident. Without makeup, I just feel like everyone else. I don't stand out and I don't feel as amazing as I do with makeup.

I sometimes feel insecure, with or without makeup. But everyone, men and women, boys and girls have those days.
Maybe I just got rejected, or someone said something hurtful to me and I lose a little of that confidence I've been carrying around. But I quickly pick myself back up. I accept that I'm not perfect.

You have to always keep in mind that you are beautiful, just like everyone in this world. Black, white, tall, short, thin, curvy, long hair, short hair, every race, every face, everyone is beautiful in their own way. It sounds cliche. But it's true. Even if you don't believe it.

"Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you begin to develop confidence" -Rosalynn Carter

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Revived

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Usually I go to bed at around 12 am and wake up at 5:45.
Clearly, that isn't enough sleep. So last night I went to bed at 11 pm and woke up at around 6:00 am. Sure I could use more sleep then that, but for me, that was enough. I woke up feeling refreshed, energized, happy, and pretty. Immediately, I knew I was the old Minty from Junior High.

Getting more sleep helped a lot. I didn't have tired bags under my eyes, my eyes weren't small from tiredness, and my skin was more glowy than usual. I felt so confident! At school I talked to more guys, I actually participated at the pep rally and I didn't hide my face every time I yawned or laughed.
I felt amazing! Like I could conquer the world, nothing was going to stop me. One rude stare or whisper would not make me freak out. I'd ignore it completely, just like the old Me would. The low self-esteemed girl that posted a couple days ago isn't me. I felt like I was trapped in someone else's body. But now I'm back and couldn't be happier!

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"You're beautiful, You're Beautiful, You're Beautiful, It's true...'"

photo credit: healthjockey.com

My confidence is at an all time low. You probably hear these things all the time. But it's a completely different thing for me. All through junior high, I was nothing but confident. No matter what people said to or about me, I wouldn't care. I loved myself enough to not let it get to me.
But ever since this summer, when a couple of guys at Wisconsin thrashed my self esteem, my confidence has been very vulnerable. Anytime I suspect a guy saying I'm ugly or hear someone say I'm ugly, my confidence gets weaker and weaker.

It's weird because I still get plenty of attention from guys, but still, I don't feel secure. Looking in the mirror at school is torture. Maybe it's the bad lighting, or maybe I think that I look the way that I feel. But anytime I look in the bathroom mirror at school, I find myself unattractive. Not all bathrooms of course. In PE bathrooms, I think I look attractive. Plus, at home, I think I look attractive in mirrors.

I hate being like this. I hate feeling like this. I do not like to complain, but I cant help but to right now. I keep telling myself
"Who cares, I got asked out just last week."
or "God thinks I'm beautiful, no one else matters." 
or "If I think I'm pretty, then they shouldn't matter"

Slowly, I am rebuilding my confidence. It's not everyday I feel this horrible...but it's too many days. I hope no one else has to go through this, and I hope if someone does, they can be strong enough to handle anything that comes toward them. Life is crazy, but it can get better. And for me, it will.

"It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful." -Bill Cosby

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." -Helen Keller

"Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart." -Nate Dircks

2nd to last photo credit 
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New Beginnings

In about two weeks, I'll be riding a bus to school. Not only is it the "first day of school" but it is also the first day of being a freshman. Yes! I will be in highschool. It's a little scary, but at the same time...it's very exciting! Where I live there's a high school and a freshman center. Obviously I'll be going to the freshman campus.
Yesterday was my freshman registration. I felt so confident in my shoulder-length hair extensions and cute dress. I got to catch up with my friends and see my new school. I'm really happy because I have alot of friends in my classes. I don't know how you felt about going into your freshman year...but Im more excited than I am nervous. I have new hair, makeup, clothes, and most importantly I have new confidence.

To everyone who is going into a new school year...whether it's high school, elementary school, middle school, or college; it's not always easy, but in the end it always pays off. Because after my freshman year in highschool, I'll only have three years until I go to college and work on fulfilling my dream.