Monday, January 02, 2017

A Letter to the First Man to Break My Heart


You were the first man that I ever loved and I thought I could have a real future with. In such a short amount of time I fell for you...hard. You were all I thought about and I wanted to spend every day with you. I wanted to talk to you all day and still fall asleep to the sound of your voice.

Now, almost 2 years laters I still think about you and occasionally miss you but after choosing another girl over me, I could never want you back. Sometimes I wish we could be friends again but I know that wouldn't work.  You were my first heartbreak yet we were friends for years before dating and that is something I can never look past.

You have a new relationship, somewhat new (I of all people know that time doesn't determine anything, I fell for you in just a few short months), but you say you love her on social media. Thats something you never said to me and knowing you I really believe you mean it. With that being said, I genuinely hope that she makes you as happy as you made me and I pray that your relationship flourishes and succeeds. I really hope you treat her well and that she does the same to you.

I still feel the aftermaths of the heartbreak you caused. To this day I have never trusted anyone the way I reluctantly chose to trust you. I haven't been able to give myself emotionally to anyone for fear I will have to experience that same pain and depression I felt after we parted ways almost 2 years ago. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to eat. I would cry while driving; crying so hard I could barely see the road. I would go through the motions of life meanwhile feeling empty and depressed on the inside. This went on for almost a year until I was finally able to pick myself back up. Little by little.

Time heals wounds but the scar will always be left behind. Although I have no anger towards you, I am still affected by your actions. I hope that someday I can learn to trust and love again when the right man comes along.

At the end of the day, I really do want you to be happy and find true love and I hope your current relationship is just that. Wishing you all the best in 2017.