Three Years

Wow it's been over two years since my last post.

When I tell you a lot has changed A LOT has changed. First, my age. My last post was posted as a 17 year old and now I am 19 about to be 20 in September. I graduated from high school with honors and am now in college, also with honors. I graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA and now have a 3.6 GPA in college. I am still single (as usual right?) but with a lot more dating experiences behind me. If I thought I was on an emotional rollercoaster before I am on the world's biggest now. The activities I have become a part of and the people I've surrounded myself with these past two years is a complete 360 turn from all the things I talked about on this blog in the past few years.

And lucky for you, I'm about to tell you all about it!


Let's start with school. I graduated high school with honors and a 3.8 GPA on May 21 (or 22?), 2014. I am now attending a liberal arts school where I also have a scholarship for track. My first year of college I only paid $15 out of pocket and I couldn't be more proud of that. I am taking summer classes in July--next month--in order to catch up on credit hours and then will continue my sophomore year in August.

I am now 19 years of age and not ready to be in my twenties. This is my last year being a teen and I have learned so much along the way. Separate post to come, I'm sure. It's crazy because I feel so old yet I'm only going to be twenty.

These past two years I have "talked to"/dated numerous guys from different backgrounds and personalities. Let's start with one that we will call Q. Q is someone I met online while browsing Experience Project and noticed a notification in my messages. All it said was "Minttttyyyy"* and at first I hesitated but eventually replied back to him. We messaged each other back and forth for a few months on EP then decided to move the conversation over to a phone messaging app called Kik. I eventually gave him my phone number and we talked on the phone for the first time. We spoke for hours and there was never a dull or awkward moment. In the months following we would Skype, talk on the phone, and text (still via Kik due to what we were used to). I was convinced I loved him and that what we had was special and booked a hotel for Valentines Day so that I could go visit him. He lived in another state and we had planned to do dinner and a movie that day. I bought a GPS system to guide me since he lived in a neighbor state about 3 hours away. My friends thought I was crazy but I didn't care. By the grace of God, the biggest snow storm both our states had ever seen hit and I wouldn't be able to travel and go see him. If that wasn't a sign from God I don't know what is. We remained friends and continued to talk everyday after until I went to college in August. We were never boyfriend-girlfriend but I thought I loved him while all he wanted to do was have sex with me and use me to keep him company. Midway into me and Q's "situationship" I met "Joe" on a dating website and we went on a few dates before he decided to end things because he was still in love with his ex-almost-finacee. When I went to college me and Q naturally drifted apart and I was really heartbroken and missed him. Leading to my next mistake.

Jack, we'll call him, was the next guy I was involved with. He had a girlfriend but one day I was tricked into going back to his dorm with him. One day he asked me to come over to his dorm to cuddle and I reluctantly said yes. It was the weekend and my roommate was gone. He promised nothing would happen so I went over like the idiot I was. An hour into watching TV he kept trying to touch me and kiss me and everytime I've push him away and say no. I even threatened to leave if he didn't stop. His roommate came in with his own girl and I felt too embarrassed to say another word or fight him off so I was quiet and let him touch me. He fingered me and touched my breasts and grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. He tried to stick his penis inside me and thats when God gave me the courage to finally stop him and leave. I felt so violated, disgusted, and humiliated by the whole experience. That was my first ever sexual experience and I hated every second of it. It took me a while to forgive myself and I never felt the same after that experience.

Soon after there was a guy I'll call Carl who would say one thing and do the other but he was too into his career and job to spend any time with me or to even text me back. We previously tried dating but I ended it because I wasn't ready for a committed relationship and we also had no chemistry. This second time around I didn't want to waste any more of my time so I eventually ended things. Joe came back into my life soon after (are you still with me, lol?) and we gave it another shot buuuuut I still feared a serious, committed relationship and one day I let him know that he was wasting his time because I didn't know when I'd ever be truly ready.

"Ken" was my friend throughout most of this time, we met on the social media app Instagram but I told him I only wanted to be friends because at the time I was still confused about my feelings for Q. Ken and I "talked"/dated for a complicated, on-and-off, seven or eight months before I found the strength to completely end things with him and vowed to keep our relationship on a friendship level. Which it still is to this day.

After Christmas break of college I had my second sexual experience with "Eli" and he was really an asshole. I don't know why I wasted my time with him. About three months of my time to be exact. We only hooked up (everything but sex) and he told me what I wanted to hear just to keep me around. He treated me decently enough that I would stay but finally I had the courage to end our flings when I found out he had a girlfriend and was having sex with other girls while we were hooking up. I was disgusted with myself and vowed to never give my body to anyone that I didn't love and wasn't in a relationship of some sort with.

And now we are in the present, to my current heartbreak, we will call him Jay. Do you remember this post from years and years ago? That dream was about him. Back then I called him M.J. but I like Jay better. What I have never shared on here is how I have had a huge crush on Jay all four years of high school and always wished he would notice me but he never seemed to. Junior and senior year of high school we became more friendly with each other and got to know each other a little better. We became friends and I was happy with that. Senior year came and we both had "transformed', what is called "glo'd up". I had recently cut my relaxed ends off my hair and was 100% natural. I loved the new change and so did everyone else. My confidence really radiated and I was getting more attention from guys than I ever imagined. He also changed up his hair, growing it out and fading the edges and sides. He also traded the glasses for contacts and found a new style of clothes and shoes. I always had a crush on him before but now I couldn't even control myself. This was the year he finally noticed me and began giving me the time of day. He unfortunately had a girlfriend but regardless we flirted and flirted and eventually started calling each other "bae" jokingly (which is basically a pet name similar to babe or baby).

We lost touch after we graduated but I always knew in my heart that if God wanted us to be together we would find a way to be together. And we did. Two months ago I posted a picture on Instagram and he commented saying "Minty* when will you be mine?"and from that day we began dating. I fell for him hard and faster than I ever imagined. I tried so hard to slow down and not get too excited about what this could become but the heart wants what the heart wants. No one has ever made me as happy as I was with Jay. He was so respectful, sweet, funny, mature, and real. This was the greatest guy I had ever been blessed to have in my life. I knew I loved him because I couldn't describe it any other way. He was and still is the only guy that could ever bring my guard down and my heart was his. He told me his heart was mine and that I was his. I thought everything was perfect until one night I found out he was making plans to see his ex who he was previously with before me. I remember asking God for a sign of whether or not Jay was right for me and if I was wasting my time and I really believe this was the sign I was looking for. I cannot tell you how heartbroken I am by this whole situation. I still love him and still want him to be happy but feel so miserable without him. I was really convinced that we had a future together and would maybe even get married. I thought he was the one. To be honest, I still think he is.

I believe that God has a plan for me and also for him. I don't think God took him out of my life to hurt me but to teach me a lesson. I need to build a relationship with God before I can truly be happy with myself or anyone else. And the same goes for him. With every fiber of my soul I really believe Jay will come back into my life whether it is in a week, month, or year. I believe it is God's plan. Every time I pray, I pray for clarity in this situation and many signs lead me to believe that I am right. There are also signs telling me that I am wrong at times though so I don't want to hold on to any hope. But just today I have received signs that show that we will be together again some day and I will continue to pray that this is truly in God's plan.

I will never stop loving Jay but if God chooses to place another man in my life I will allow him into my life, I will not only trust him but God himself. If me and Jay are really meant to be like I believe we are than all I can do is trust in The Lord and his plan even if it does include other men and a lot of pain and obstacles along the way.

I ask that you all pray for my peace and direction. I am always praying for you all. And expect many more posts from me very soon.

P.S. Through all of this, I am still a virgin and waiting until marriage.
P.P.S I originally wrote this post (originally titled Two Years) in the summer of 2015 but broke down crying while writing it and never finished/posted it. So today, April 25, 2016 I am finally finishing and posting it. It has taken me almost a year to recover from the Jay situation. I am now 20 and will be 21 this year. I am finishing up my Sophomore year of college with a 3.4 (I think) GPA.

*As with all names in all of my stories, Minty is not my "real" name. Minty really is a nickname people call me but in the instances in this story, that is not what they called me in those exact moments. 

New Years Resolutions 2012

Image: FrameAngel | FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I make this list just about every year. I made some last year. And some the year before.

I guess you could say I'm a pro at this point.

But this year I'm keeping it basic.

The one thing I really, really need to do in 2013 (and every year after that) is to be more grateful for what I have.

Just this morning I was thinking how I should kill myself so that I don't have to live this horrible life called Minty's life.

But now I've realized that I need to be a little happier with the things I have. May not happen but as long as I can be more optimistic than negative, I'm good.

30 Day Challenge: Day 8

Your best and worst high school memory.

Well considering I'm going through my second year of high school right now, I'm just going to have to say something from this or last year.

My best high school memory was winning the Coach's Award at the track banquet. My freshman year and I got an award! Not everyone did.

Now that I think about it, a lot of my 9th grade track "career" had good memories.  Like the time I ran a 60 second 400 m dash, I thought I was badass then, lol. Later, I worked my butt off to the state meet (again, as a freshman!) and at state I ran my fastest 400 to date...59 seconds! I was so proud. I worked so hard and was so happy to finally reach my goal. Not to mention that I finally got to the 50 second range.

My worst high school memory? I don't really have one. Apart from feeling like I've lost my best friend several times, I've had a pretty decent high school life.

The Cycle Continues

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I was actually typing up a paper for school but I'm so angry thinking about it that I have to blog.

AGAIN, today, Sabrina left me all alone at lunch. I sat with a girl that I'm "sorta friends" with but it's really awkward and she's insanely shy at lunch so I was basically alone.

Sabrina (to make it more clear, I'll just refer to her as The Bitch) saved me a seat, along with a seat for the awkward friend I just mentioned, but by the time I got there everyone had taken the seats. No big deal, lunch is crowded, I completely understand.

But then I notice that as my awkward friend and I are going to find another place to sit together, because that is what friends are supposed to do, I notice The Bitch stays seated. Not a care in the world.

Forget that your "best friend" of three years is about to sit, in embarrassment, alone, with some girl she barely knows while you laugh your fat ass off with some guys on the crowded side of the table.

I really don't understand her! In a heartbeat I would pick up my shit and find somewhere the BOTH of us can sit together but instead she just lets me go and doesn't come with me.

I do not understand her constant need to be the center of attention or her need to always be surrounded by people. Why the hell does she care so much about what other people think?

I don't feel like I can be friends with someone who doesn't treat me the same way I would treat her. Sometimes I just want to punch her in the face. SO annoying!

This is supposed to be my best friend.

Why is it such a big deal? Because you don't abandon your best friend like that. You don't make her feel like an outcast, you don't let her sit alone at school, you don't embarrass her like that. You don't make her hate lunch because she knows damn well she will, once again, be left out. You don't do that. It's complete bullshit.

That bitch is not getting away with it this time. I will not sit around and feel sorry for myself. I am going to be saying something about it tomorrow. And how much you want to bet that she's going to make it about her and bring in some kind of attitude?

I'll let you know what happens.

Life

These past few weeks that I haven't posted because my computer was down and I had no easy access to internet.

Unfortunately you missed my birthday and I didn't get to write a post for it.

My birthday was of course, boring. I didn't hang out with friends, I didn't get presents, I wasn't bombarded with hugs and kisses. None of that. Instead we went to the a Chinese buffet a week before.

I didn't feel special or anything like that, just another day.

However now I am 16 years old. Yes, 1-6. 

Crazy right? I started this blog in 8th grade, I'm in the 10th grade now and I am SIXTEEN!

It's nice, I can legally drive now (once I actually get my license).

Last week we had a guest speaker in Health class that spoke to us about sex, STD's, and why abstinence is the best choice to stay protected.

I finally felt comfortable talking about it. The guest speaker was a woman who actually waited until marriage to have sex. Her son is also abstinent and is currently engaged (he's still waiting by the way).

So often people rush into sex that I forget that there are people who actually do wait.

I mostly wanted to wait for religious and personal reasons but now I plan to wait because those statistics for STD's sound really scary and I want to avoid that as much as possible.

Not to mention that I will most likely get emotionally attached to whoever I have sex with and I would rather not be single after that happens.

Sabrina and I are fine by the way. I really do feel that I'm part to blame for the weirdness between us. I get really shy when we sit down at lunch next to Derek but then it's way better when he isn't around and now I don't feel like she totally hates me. I have been acting awkward and quiet and it makes sense that she wouldn't know what to say to me.

School has been great too. I got a 95 on my chemistry test and I brought my 77 to an 84 in geometry so all is good. I'm starting to understand chem a lot more and I'm learning better study skills for all my classes.


I never ended up going to conditioning either. Sabrina is sick and I didn't want to go alone so I'm going to wait until she feels better so we can be there together.


This year is going to be a long one but I'm going to make sure it's a good one.

10 Days and Counting....

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Wow, it has already been 2 weeks of school? I don't even remember what the first day was like now.

I've been enjoying school, this year is already very tough but I'm trying to get my act together early on so that I don't struggle later. The teachers are not joking and will not personally help you unless you request it. I imagine this is what college will feel like.

Sabrina and I are becoming better friends. At the begining of school we barely talked at lunch. Two days in a row we didn't even sit next to each other. She wouldn't save me a seat and didn't really give a shit whether or not I had to sit alone.

Last time I checked, that's not how a best friend was supposed to act. If that were me and I saw that the table was full and she would have to sit alone I would immediately pick up my tray and find a place for us to sit together. Honestly, I would not have hesitated.

Anyway, she called me one day after school apologizing for completely ignoring me during lunch. She made some lame excuses but I do think her apology was legitimate. I think she really meant it, especially since after that talk we have been sitting together, even if we were alone. Sabrina's a good friend, she just gets caught up in the wrong mess sometimes. 

Track conditioning (early practice before season starts) has already started. Actually it started on the first day of school! Insane right? I haven't gone yet but I'm hoping to begin going next week. I think that would be a great idea since I need to get back into shape before the new indoor track season begins.

Remember how I said that I saw Sean in the hallways a few times and how incredibly awkward it was? Well, ever since then it's been like he is avoiding me. If I ever do see him he's either walking really quickly or in the other direction. We obviously cross paths while changing classes, I don't see why he has to make it a big deal. He's probably finding every way possible to go an alternative way just so we don't have to awkwardly pass each other in the hallway.

I don't know, I'm probably over thinking it.

So far that's all that's happened at school. Tomorrow's another Monday so I'm sure I'll have something to report later in the week.

BYOC

www.motto.com.au

How much makeup do you wear daily, how long does it take you and are you loyal to certain brands?

I don't wear too much makeup. At least in my opinion. No one can really say you're wearing "too much makeup." Every body has a different preference. As for brands, I just buy what I see.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunsurfr/

Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them (or even if there is one) and you try to describe this person in 5 words/short sentences.  

Your oldest paternal aunt.

It really sucks that I'm going to have to skip this question because I hardly know my oldest paternal aunt. It really is a shame.

Tell me about your first real kiss and how old you were.

I was in the first grade and I had a crush on a boy named Timothy. I guess he liked me too because every day during recess/free time we would go behind a bookshelf and makeout the whole time. I don't remember much but I do remember how amazing it was! That's the only thing I remember too...he was a pretty damn good kisser for his age.

scrapetv.com

If I gave you $1000.00 and told you that you had to give it to a charity – which charity would you choose and why?

I would choose any charity that would help get care to children and teens that have come out of abusive homes and relationships and have no place to stay, no food to eat and no money to take care of themselves. I'm not familiar with names but any organization that can do that can have my money.

http://gegojr.deviantart.com/

Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Blog life has been great! Although I'm not blogging every day, I really am enjoying posting regularly. Especially now that school has started.

Real life, very tiring. I am exhausted after running around that big school trying to get to class on time! It's a workout in itself. I've been seeing Sean a lot around the halls and its insanely awkward. Probably not for him, but definitely for me. It's just weird. If he knew how much I've been thinking about him over the summer, he'd be feeling awkward too. I'm trying to forget about him and hoping we can be friends once track starts but for now I want to avoid him as much as possible.

BYOC

Another Friday, another day to Bring Your Own Crazy!

I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.

Your paternal grandmother.

My grandmother is nice, caring, sweet, handicapped, and loving.

What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?

For my fingernails, any shade of blue! Dark navy or a bright aqua, I'm telling you, it's all too pretty. To be specific, I really love Ulta Bam-Blue Zled.

As for my toenails, I love painting them most shades of purple. I think it's a flattering color on dark skin tones like mine. At the moment, I'm loving Wet N Wild Bite The Bullet.

Image: photostock/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do you get along with your parents well?
I do, but we aren't close. As you know, my dad practically left us when I was young and my mom has anger issues so I never tell her anything. I've mentioned it before, but I do not trust her and never want to open up to her ever in my lifetime.

Rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.
Green, blue, purple, yellow, orange, red. I don't like the color red at...all.

Image: Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?
Real life, perfect. One of the best weeks of the summer. I've spent more time with my friends and I'm getting to relax and just enjoy life again.

Blog life, not so good. I've been trying to blog more regularly but it's time consuming and sometimes I have nothing to blog about. School starts soon so I'll be blogging about Sophomore year 24/7!

BYOC

It's Just Me, Drazil, and Sheniqua is one of my favorite blogs to read. Every Friday she does BYOC--Bring Your Own Crazy where she makes up a few questions and then answers and encourages us to answer as well.

So I've decided this will become a weekly thing because I don't want to neglect my blog and I enjoy doing these.

Keep in my mind that she creates these questions, but I'm going to re-word a few to keep it a little less confusing for those who aren't readers of her blog (which you should be, it's amazing).

So here we go.

ambientevistoriado.com

Sun or Rain? Roses or Tulips? Romantic Movie or Comedy?

Sun when I'm awake, rain when I'm going to sleep. I absolutely LOVE falling asleep to rain. Seriously, it's like heaven. So calming and soothing.

Roses for sure. White roses to be exact. So beautiful.When we get married, Shemar Moore and I will happily have white roses at our reception.

Romantic Movie or Comedy? Honestly, I'm a hopeless romantic, so I'd say romantic movie. But I love my romantic comedies so I'll have to cheat on this question.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Oh, well thank you for asking. Cookies and cream is my absolute favorite! I also love Plain Vanilla, French Vanilla Bean and Strawberry ice cream.

www.autolocksmithswatford.co.uk

Are you a door locker - in your house and car?

Yes. If you have been reading my blog for a while you know I have a huge fear of open doors. Well maybe not fear, but I get super anxious when a door or window is not closed all the way.

Imagine how crazy things would get if I didn't lock the damn doors?

www.efibromyalgiapainrelief.org

Tell me your "go to remedies" for when you are sick?

If you mean crying, complaining, taking Tylenol, complaining some more, sleeping, crying some more, even more complaining and finally some more Tylenol, then sure, I'd love to tell you.

diarygiftideas.com

Repeat question:  Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Blog land: I am loving posting again! I haven't regularly posted in a while but I have posted a total of three times this week.

Come on...you have to give me something for that.

Real life: Well, supporters of the "Eva and Minty Friendship" will be happy to hear that we are on speaking terms again. I woke up today with message after message of her telling me that she hasn't given up on our friendship and that she wants to continue being friends. She also told me that it was no one's fault and we're just going to have to get past this.

Thank you! I'm glad she wasn't just ignoring the issue. It was really starting to upset me. Turns out, she was out of town the whole time she wasn't replying.

Registration was also today, we couldn't do it yesterday for some reason so we tried again today and it worked out perfectly. I don't have classes with any of my friends, but I'm okay with that.

I was hoping I'd see Sean, but no such luck. Maybe it's a good thing. After all, it'd just bring back feelings that I'm afraid to feel.

The Last Day of School

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You can guess by the title of this post that today was my last day of school for the year! It feels so nice to be out of school and not have to drag myself out of bed at 6 every morning.

I still remember getting on the bus to school and being so nervous on that first day. I didn't know who I would talk to, who I would meet, what my teachers were like and now I'm missing my favorite teachers and best friends more than I thought I would.

Out of all my years of school, freshman year has been the hardest so far. Not only was I stressed half the time but I've been so distracted from my work and so lazy with my studying that I made it so much harder for myself. Track also played a huge role in my grade drop. I used to make all A's and B's and then I started losing focus with out-of-town meets and late practices. Soon I found myself pulling up my C's and D's. This semester I have one high C (77), which is a huge disappointment for me. I haven't finished with a C in years. But I also have A's in four of my classes (one of them is a 100), so I'm still happy.


Update- May 30, 2011: We can check our grades online on this thing called STI and it turns out I didn't finish with a C! My grade from Semester 1 pulled it up to a B (82). So in all I finished with four A's and 3 B's.

If it's taught me anything, it's that I need to stop procrastinating and being lazy and instead start working harder. I want to have a high GPA, I want to get amazing grades, and I want to finish high school with a scholarship.

I'm also so happy that I can get back to my regular posts and start having more fun with blogging! I've really missed the blogosphere and....

I survived Freshman year!

fyihigh.com

 "To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks."

-A.A. Milne

A Day In The Life of Minty

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I really don't have anything to post about, but I miss posting. Now that I have a little time I think I'll walk you through my day.

Today was boring ole' "picture day" at school. At my school, they never tell us anything. We could be having yearbook pictures made and they literally tell us two class periods before we take our pictures.
So if you needed to get a hair cut, or get your hair done, or possibly do your makeup--forget it!

After pictures, we had to go to P.E. Now, I'm not sure if I've mentioned my PE teacher or not, but she's insane. She treats us as if we are in some boot camp. She'll walk in and be like "get in your lines, 15 pushups, 15 jumping jacks, 40 sit ups, and a five minute run!!"

Like, what the h#ll do you think you're doing here? If I was training for some sort of marathon, sure, I'll do it. But this is PE. Stop taking your job so d@mn serious.

And I honestly don't know why I refuse to type out the cuss words. It just doesn't seem right or something...anyway, after PE was lunch. Like normal I sit with my friends including Sabrina and Eva. Nothing different today.

I was supposed to go to a track meet today, but since I'm injured I decided I'll skip the JV meet and hopefully go to the Varsity meet Friday-Saturday.

Hmm...what else? I had math as my last period. My math teacher is a whole different story which I'll make a separate post about later.
He's got a really nice ass. So that's the highlight of that class period. Anytime he turns around to write on the board. My eyes shift down. Can't help it if he has a baseball player's butt.

So in all, it was a pretty normal day. Nothing special happened, nothing exciting.

Oh wait, did I tell you my friend Eva broke up with Jackass? I'll explain later.

Thoughts #8- High School

Warning: This is a rant.

I went into high school thinking it would be all fun and games and that making friends would be easy and getting good grades would be easier.

I never had trouble with grades until this year. Lately I've been failing quizzes, making B's and C's on tests, and barely putting in effort for my projects. I have to force myself to get off the couch and start my homework.

I've been procrastinating like crazy and I've never been so lazy in my entire life!

I've also been getting in some drama with some girl. It's really not even worth mentioning.

On top of all that, I have practice every single day. It wouldn't be such a problem if track weren't so painful.

I've had calf cramps, shin splints, ankles pains, and knee pains. It's so difficult to run with and I'm icing my shins as I type.

Tomorrow I have another long day. I'll have to wake up early (possibly 6:00 AM) for a track meet and stay until about 6:00 pm or later!

After that I have tests to study for, projects to focus on and homework to finish.

All in a weekend that is far too short.

Why didn't anyone warn me that high school would be so hard?

4 Current (Random) Obsessions

The more I post on this blog, the more I realize that I might seem crazy to many people.
I obsess over things like you've never seen before.

If I like it one day, I'll probably obsess over it for 10 weeks after that. What's worse is that you'll hear me talk about it a million times before my obsession fades away.

But there are a few things that I've really been in love with these past few months.
Before I get started here, let me warn you, you may find some of these...disturbing. 

Like many nail enthusiast, nail polish is one of the things I love to collect. Not just collect, but wear, organize, and mix together.
Before this school year started, I made a promise to myself that I would give myself a different manicure every week. I am successfully accomplishing that. I've done glitter, patterns, ombre effects, and just simple polished manicures.
Now I patiently wait as I build up my nail polish collection.

I've had a really weird obsession with men's nipples.
Now before you 'X' out of this page for fear of hearing this turn into a sexual desire, let me first explain.
There's something about a man's nipples that is just very sexy. I just want to touch them, play with them, everything! I can hardly explain it, it's just something I've been guilty of for so long.
But they have to be the perfect size.
And of course, I used my boyfriend for this picture.

Water is delicious. It keeps my skin clear, my body healthy, and it keeps me hydrated for practice. I'm sure you'll agree that this is by best obsession so far.

Ever since I got my Snuggie for Christmas I have been attached to it like a 4 year old and a Barbie doll.
I got the zebra print kind, which in my opinion is the softest.
It's seriously the most comfortable thing I have ever laid on. Plus, it's a Snuggie! It's hard not to be obsessed.

Credits: bottledwaterstore.com, Google Images, alt.coxnewsweb.com

My Worst Self

credit: Getty images

My day was absolutely dreadful. It's not like the teachers slammed a lot of work at us, it's that I had to go to school after such a lovely Winter Break.

Waking up so early and having no time for breakfast really wears me out. Not to mention the eight hours of school and the annoying ride back from the bus.

Here's a regular school day for me (estimated times):

6:00 AM: (Alarm goes off) Drag myself out of bed.

6:05-6:25 AM: Wash my face, brush my teeth, take a shower.

6:25-6:35 AM: Apply lotion/other moisturizers, get dressed.

6:35-7:00 AM: Style hair, do makeup.

7:00-7:15 AM: Do a few last minute things.

7:15-7:25 AM: See if I can find something to eat in time, otherwise known as breakfast.

7:25 AM: Leave for bus stop.

7:30ish-8:05 AM: Bus picks me up, stop by other kid's stops, drive to school.

8:05 AM-3:28 PM: learning, walking around campus, eating horrible lunch, etc., A.K.A School.

3:28-3:50ish PM: Ride bus home, walk to house.

3:50-8:00 PM: Watch T.V., Eat, Enjoy my day.

8:00-10:00 PM: Do homework (if any).

10:00-11:00 PM: Enjoy my night, go to bed.

11:00 PM-6:00 AM:  Sleep.

6:00 AM: Start over.

5 days a week, every week. 

This can get tiring. For everyone saying I should be grateful to even get an education, yes I know. I am.

But I'm still annoyed, frustrated and tired by school days and I think I always will be.

Anyway, I hope I didn't bore you too much. But now you know exactly what I do five days of my normal week.

New Years Resolutions

My third and final resolution:

Be more responsible and stop procrastinating. 

I could be in the world record book for the biggest procrastinator. 

Currently I have a huge 350 point (that's more points than my mid-term!) project due in about two weeks and I haven't even started the research. I keep telling myself "I'll start tomorrow", but then I say that the next day and forget about it.

If I want to do good in school, I need to take more time out of my day and focus on school work. 

It's just a lot easier said than done.

Thoughts #4- Loss of Control

I feel like I've lost control. Over my body, my feelings, and my life.
I don't ever talk about it, but I feel so pathetic and useless without control.

Control is like oxygen to me.

I keep getting painful calf cramps after I run my workout at track. I feel lost. I don't know why this is happening? I know that dehydration and lack of good nutrition can trigger this.  I haven't been eating well or drinking enough water, but I'm scared that even if I do, it won't work and the cramps will come back.

Then my feelings. Yesterday after practice I stayed for the boys basketball game. I wasn't really paying attention but my eye did go to one person: Derek. (Now if you are new to my blog or just haven't read about Derek. You need to. Click the label at the end of this post.) I had those feeling come back again. I don't want to feel them and I refuse to acknowledge them.

You don't have to tell me for me to know that I have lost control over my life. I don't get to decide how or when I am going to do something. I don't get to decide how much money I will spend today because it depends on how much money I even have. If I need something, I can't ask and expect to get it soon. I will have to wait. I asked for my own room when I was in the 5th grade. It's been five fucking years and I still don't have a room to myself. I never have and probably never will unless my siblings go off to college. My life is on it's own road, it's just dragging me with it.

Last night, I came home and I cried. I've been holding back all this anger and sadness and telling everyone that I am okay. But I'm not.

Update on Track

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Monday was our first day of conditioning. Half the people were missing since there are other sports like Football, Wrestling, Cheerleading, and Basketball that still have practice.
I also didn't have my physical form so I couldn't join practice. I couldn't go today either. But I will be going tomorrow. I really need to get in shape for tryouts and I need to get in shape for my PE exam. We have to run for 20 minutes to get 25 points towards our exam grade. Which is a lot. I'm definitely not excited for exams next week. I'm not excited for track either.

P.S. I saw Derek Monday at his basketball game...it's so weird seeing him again. Brings back feelings I really don't want to feel.

The Worst Feeling...

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Nervousness. I'm so nervous for track tomorrow. We have our first day of conditioning for the year. We have two weeks of conditioning and then we have Winter break for two weeks. Then it's back to one week of conditioning.
Soon after, it's try-outs.

Where I live, at my school, sports are very important to us. So they want the best of the best to be on each team. So of course (like most schools) there is a Varsity and Junior Varsity team for Track and Field. Tryouts determine which team and what event (Pole Vault, 4x100 relay, 200 Meter Sprint, etc...) is best for you.
Track is usually an open sport where anyone can join and events are chosen for you. But this year, in highschool, it's tryouts. It makes since though...
I don't want to get stuck on a bad team where everyone is really bad and I am better than them. (No cockiness intended.)

Regardless, our first day of conditioning is killing me. The day hasn't even started yet and I'm already dying of nerves! I just hope I can get along with everyone and do good at conditioning.

I'll keep you updated on all that happens. I have exams (mid terms) to study for and lots of homework to catch up on. So I won't post again until Tuesday.

Halloween Night

I still haven't posted about my Halloween night on Saturday and Sunday. I'll post [this] Friday. I promise I have not forgotten about you guys. I've just been busy with school. 3 projects in one week and not to mention three or four tests!

P.S. Just to get you curious about my Halloween post: I'll explain how I got cussed out...by an adult....who wasn't my mom!

photo credit: 

yo2boy.wordpress.com