Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Today, I was supposed to go to the zoo with my best friend of five years, Eva.
But her parents said no and that they don't want us to hang out anymore...EVER.
So pretty much, after crying and wondering why this is happening, I decided that my life ends here. Ive lost my house, money, friends, most of my family. Now all I have to live for is God and the rest of my family. That should be good enough, but it just doesn't feel like it. I can make new friends. But it just wont be the same...I'm hoping and praying that I can get through this, and that I can have my best friend back.

I guess I can forget all about the beach trip now...


So, practice,yesterday, was a DISASTER. Not only was it awkward and everyone was staring at me...but I started running my workout. Which was eight 150's. I ran three of them and started to feel dizzy. Then I couldn't breathe, my stomach starting twisting up, my legs were so weak I couldn't walk, I felt light headed and tired and I couldn't even talk right. I tried to talk but all that came out was a few words that were kind of mumbled. No one could really understand me. I was a little embarrassed... but mostly in pain. I sat on the floor for like, an hour and a half, in pain, and trying to relax. I don't know what happened, maybe I just was in bad shape or I hadn't eaten enough (there's not much to eat at home). I have no idea. All I know is that I want to be done with track. I don't want something like that to happen again. I'll go to ONE more practice, and if that works out, I'll stick with track. I'll keep you updated. Wish me luck!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures on my recent posts. I don't think any would match.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Wisconsin -update

After debating, Ive decided to just do it, sure I wont know anyone, but its called an Ipod honey. I can listen to it, get on facebook and chat with people. It'll be fun, Im sure of it. I can just pretend Derek doesn't exist.Im still crazy nervous, and I know that Ill get more and more anxious the closer the day comes. But Ill do it. I know I will regret it if I dont. Plus, its summer! Who wouldnt want to be going so far out of state to do the thing they love; running.

Friday, June 25, 2010


Today, about an hour ago actually. My coach from track called and said she wanted me to compete in state at Wisconsin. Now, I live in the south, so agreeing to this was kind of hard. But, it was a good deal; free travel costs, free stay, free food. I didn't have to pay a thing. But I don't know how comfortable I am going, I wont know anyone and the people I do know, I don't really want to see. Like, Derek. Anyway, I'll have to start practicing again, I'll have to start eating healthy again. I already agreed, so I cant say no now. Plus, this is an amazing opportunity for me. I'm so nervous! We don't go until July 14 or so, but the nerves are killing me! It's been so long since Ive raced. Ill be doing little exercises and gradually build up, I'll be crazy sore! Alright, this post is beginning to be too long, so, bye.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Summer Obsession

My favorite type of bikini; Bandeau. Flattering and cute.
Bikinis like this, give me so much confidence!
No matter what kind of a day I'm having.

Friday, June 18, 2010

"You're Beautiful..."

Today I had a photo comment on facebook, by a guy.
When I went to see the comment, this is what it said:
"that Eva girl is beautiful!!! and that(my name) girl is too.........."
It was a picture of me and my best friend Eva.
Still don't see the problem? SHE was being called beautiful. I was being described as "...............".
This is the kind of thing that makes me feel bad about myself.
I have pretty good self esteem, I'm very happy about the way I look.
But things like that bring me down.

Its not the first time that's happened.
All the time people comment on pictures of us saying shes hot, sexy, pretty...but me, nothing.
When we go out, she gets hit on.
At school, all the guys around her.
Cant they see Im there too?
I HATE it. I'm happy for her though.
But, I just dont like the way it makes me feel: unattractive.

(song, in post title, is called Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, Im sure you already knew that)

Sunday, June 13, 2010 hard.

Somedays...I just want to kill myself.

Because it would end it all, I wouldn't have to live in pain any more.
I could be happy in heaven, everything would be great.
I know I shouldn't, but every time something wrong comes in my life, the thought comes to me.
I try to stay strong, I tell myself that everyday.
But its just so damn hard to stay strong when your last good memory was years ago.

Today, I was invited to go shopping in Atlanta. A big city with great tourist attractions. But I had to say no. Because I'm dirt poor. Ive already lost my loved ones, and house. It makes me wonder; what else does the lord have planned for me?

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Summer Obsession

Lately, Ive been in love with Skinny Cow.
Ive been trying to eat healthy for a while and since I finished track, it's been hard.

Yesterday I went out grocery shopping and I got a TON of healthy-ish food.
Including Skinny Cow Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Sandwiches. Only 150 calories and it's low fat!
Perfect for the hot weather of summer. It is currently 92 degrees, thank God it's cloudy outside.

Friday, June 04, 2010

My hair journey - Part three

I have quit with the Dr.Miracles oil.
It smells so bad, I had to stop using it.
BUT, I will recommend it, it does work and it works fast.
It's just not for me.

Anyway, my new plan consists of:
-deep conditioning once a week.
-no flat ironing more than 3 times a month (Ive been doing good so far.)
-brushing my hair from ends to root.
-using a repairing conditioner, and a moisturing shampoo.
-cutting split ends, no matter how short it gets.

Here's what I'll be using from now on:
-Pantene Pro V Relaxed and Natural Shampoo
-Pantene Pro V Relaxed and Natural Breakage Defense Conditioner
-Olive Oil Replenishing Pak Deep Penetrating Conditioner (sorry, I left this out)
If I straighten my hair:
-TRESemme Heat Tamer Protective Spray
-Instyler Iron

So far this plan has been doing pretty good, Ive been sticking to it for about a month now.

Ill keep up with these updates, I promise.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

If only...

...I had a boyfriend, to make me happy. uncle were still alive, to make my life happy.
...we were wealthy, I'd be more happy. grandma weren't sick, my mom would be happy.
...those looks guys used to give me would return, to make me feel happy.
...I had true friends, to keep me happy. were easy, everyone would be happy.
...I were perfect, I'd always be happy.
I can't always be happy because I can't control how everything works out.But I can control how I handle each situation. Ive decided to be more happy about what I do have, not what I don't.

I wrote this because last night, I sat on my couch, and cried. About everything that wasn't perfect in life. Then I realized, it will get better. Maybe next year, maybe five years from now.
Everyone has problems, it's how you deal with it that matters. But I believe that God has a plan for everyone, he's just working on the glitches of mine.
No matter how long it takes, when God turns me to the right direction, I will trust him.

"God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have."

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

All I ask for, is that you care.

A little girl needs our help. If not to donate, then to at least hear her story. Share it. While we are out enjoying our summer, being at the beach and getting tan, she'll be laying on a hospital bed, waiting for the good news that seems to never come. So please, just hear her story. Go to the site below for more.

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