Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"You're beautiful, You're Beautiful, You're Beautiful, It's true...'"

photo credit: healthjockey.com
My confidence is at an all time low. You probably hear these things all the time. But it's a completely different thing for me. All through junior high, I was nothing but confident. No matter what people said to or about me, I wouldn't care. I loved myself enough to not let it get to me.
But ever since this summer, when a couple of guys at Wisconsin thrashed my self esteem, my confidence has been very vulnerable. Anytime I suspect a guy saying I'm ugly or hear someone say I'm ugly, my confidence gets weaker and weaker.

It's weird because I still get plenty of attention from guys, but still, I don't feel secure. Looking in the mirror at school is torture. Maybe it's the bad lighting, or maybe I think that I look the way that I feel. But anytime I look in the bathroom mirror at school, I find myself unattractive. Not all bathrooms of course. In PE bathrooms, I think I look attractive. Plus, at home, I think I look attractive in mirrors.

I hate being like this. I hate feeling like this. I do not like to complain, but I cant help but to right now. I keep telling myself
"Who cares, I got asked out just last week."
or "God thinks I'm beautiful, no one else matters." 
or "If I think I'm pretty, then they shouldn't matter"

Slowly, I am rebuilding my confidence. It's not everyday I feel this horrible...but it's too many days. I hope no one else has to go through this, and I hope if someone does, they can be strong enough to handle anything that comes toward them. Life is crazy, but it can get better. And for me, it will.

"It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful." -Bill Cosby

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." -Helen Keller

"Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart." -Nate Dircks

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Urban Original Goodies

I finally recieved my Urban Original shoe order in the mail. I got them on September 23, aka my birthday. It was perfect. I came off the bus, walked into my house and there was the package!
Bamboo Shoes

These are the first pair I unwrapped. These are also my favorite! They are amazing quality, so comfortable and true to size. I was afraid of the rhinestones coming off, but they wont. As I said before, these have great quality.

Pink Duchess Shoes

Next I unwrapped these ballet flats. These aren't the best quality, they are slippery on carpet. But other than that, I love them! The ruffles at the top are so adorable. They are extremely comfortable, almost like they aren't even on! Plus, they are true to size.

Pink Duchess Shoes

 The last pair of shoes I bought are these. I love the pleats at the top, I love the shimmery, gold color. I love everything about these! They can be dressed up or down, it doesn't matter. They are still so cute! Great quality, true to size, comfortable. What's not to love?

Criminal Minds

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As you all know, I am a huge fan of the show Criminal Minds. I saw the Wednesday season premiere and almost died! It was so intense. The team had to stop a murderer from killing an 8 year old girl he had kidnapped. The murderer had already killed her parents. Morgan was so into this case. He almost got himself killed! He thought he was responsible for the little girl's parents being dead. He was there when they were killed but was too weak, from being beaten, to try and stop the killer.
Needless to say, the episode was exciting! I cannot wait for this weeks new episode.

Friday, September 24, 2010

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"Dream as if you'll life forever, live as if you ll die today."
                                                              -James Dean

My Birthday!

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 My birthday went great! It was yesterday and 32 people posted on my Facebook wall telling me happy birthday and how much they loved me. I felt great! Presents? Shoes, money, love.

Every year, I get so excited about my birthday. God has blessed me enough to live another incredible year. With great opportunities (Wisconsin trip), amazing loved ones, and another school year to help me succeed in life. I sometimes take things for granted. But I know how blessed I truly am. I'm so glad to be one year older.
364 days until my next birthday!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

10 Celebrity Crushes

Shemar Moore
So what if I already did a summer obsession post about him? He is sexy! I die for those eyes. His smile is gorgeous and he's on my favorite TV show, Criminal Minds.

Ryan Reynolds
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I'm drooling. He's got the perfect hair, face and body! I wouldn't mind if he wrapped his arms around me with those huge biceps.

Mario Lopez
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Athletic, good-looking, nice personality, gorgeous smile, hot body...what's not to love?

Bradley Cooper
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Bradley Cooper is one of God's best creations.He has those gorgeous, piercing blue eyes that make me melt! Not to mention he's funny, has amazing hair and a cute smile. I'm in love...

Hugh Jackman
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He was incredibly good looking when he was younger. Even now, every time I watch an X-Men movie, I get so excited to see him as the sexy wolverine! I just fall for him so hard.

Jake Gyllenhaal
Have you seen Prince of Persia? He is so hot in that movie, it should be illegal! I died every time he took his shirt off. 

Mark Wahlberg
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 God bless those chiseled abs, huge biceps and that gorgeous smile! This picture is my favorite of Mark's. I could never get tired of his hot body and handsome face.

Adam Lambert
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Something about Adam Lambert makes me go crazy. Maybe it's his spiked hair, gorgeous face, or his amazing voice, or maybe it's just that he's plain hot! Too bad he isn't straight, I want him for myself!

Robert Downey Jr
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Oh yes, Robert Downer Jr. He may be old enough to be my father, but who cares when you look that good?! There's not one thing that isn't sexy about him. He's perfect.

Reggie Bush

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I don't even know what to say. He is one of the sexiest men alive. His abs are amazing, his face is amazing, his smile is amazing, he's amazing at football, his abs are amazing...wait I already said that. 

Quick Update

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I wanted to let you all know that Chandler is doing much better. As of right now, he has pneumonia, a fever and is not responding well to sedation. But the doctors have said that this is all normal during his recovery. There have been some good news as well. The bleeding in his brain has completely gone away and there has been some movement in his right and left side!
I ask that you please pray for Chandler, his family and his friends. This is a very hard time for everyone. What's worse is that he has no idea what is going on, since he has not woken up yet.

Next, I wanted to update you on my life:
  • Yearbook picture day is Thursday!
  • Homecoming is October 1st! I've been asked by someone, but I declined. I'll have to do a whole other post about homecoming.
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Update: Me and Eva did not get together that weekend.
  • Eva (my best friend) and I might have a sleepover this weekend. If you've been following my blog all summer you will know that this is a big deal! There was a time when Eva's parents didn't want me over at their house. Why? I have no idea. But, Eva asked her mom if I could spend the night and she said "maybe". At least she didn't say flat out no, so there is still hope, right? I'll have to do another post about this when the time comes.
  • Tomorrow. Tomorrow, the season premiere of Criminal Minds comes on! I'm so excited! This is my hands down favorite show!

    I know I haven't been posting like usual. Hopefully that can change soon.

    Saturday, September 18, 2010

    Shoe Haul

    As promised, I will be hauling all my birthday shoes that I purchase. I haven't received my Urban Original order yet, so in the meantime I went shopping.

    The first pair of shoes I purchased are these Seychelles "Glimmering Gold" Bow Flats. They are adorable! These fit perfectly and go with everything. I couldn't find a good picture of them but they are much cuter in person. And I got them for only $14 at Ross!

    Next I got these classic "Y not" Oxford Flats. These are great! They look so classy but still cute. They're super comfortable too. I love that it laces in the front, it keeps the shoe from looking boring. I bought these for $18 at Shoe Carnival.

    I should be getting my Urban Original package by Sept. 23, the day of my birthday. I'll make sure to post about it for you all.

    Friday, September 17, 2010

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    "Love, an emotion so strong that you would give up everything. To just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special. To know that you can feel what love really is; to know, to feel, to love."
                                                                                      - Unknown

    Wednesday, September 15, 2010

    Chandler, an everyone person.

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    Yesterday at school, a disaster happened. My friend Chandler passed out during Physical Ed. He went straight to the emergency room and was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. He's been in the hospital since yesterday afternoon.
    Chandler underwent a 72 hour surgery in hopes of fixing the bleeding in his brain. The surgery went well, but his condition wasn't getting any better.
    Today during school we got some bad news. Chandler wasn't waking up from his surgery. He was still unconscious. He was on the verge of becoming brain dead, and possibly death. I read online that the chances of surviving a brain aneurysm are slim.

    Today, mostly everyone wore green to support him. Everyone has been praying for him and we have a prayer group set up tomorrow morning before school. I can't imagine a world without Chandler! He's the nicest, sweetest, funniest guy you will ever meet. I wish the best for him and his family through this hard time. I also would love for you to pray for him as well. He's only 14. Death shouldn't come so soon for him.

    We love you Chandler!

    Tuesday, September 14, 2010

    10 Cute Pieces Every Girl Should Own

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    Ballet flats. These go with everything from jeans, to dresses, to rompers.

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    Cardigan. These are a must! If you're running late, throw on a cardigan, tank, jeans, a necklace and you're good to go!

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    LBD. Every girl should own a "little black dress." They are so easy and so cute to wear!

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    Skinny jeans. Whether it's dark blue or distressed white, you should keep one of these in your closet. They are so flattering to every shape and size. Just make sure they aren't too tight!

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    Leggings. Leggings, Jeggings, Denim Leggings. Black, Blue, Purple. Just keep one in your closet for when fall comes around.

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    Killer heels. You can never go wrong in these! Heels give you so much confidence. Not to mention style, amazing long legs and an excuse to splurge on shoes!

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    Waist Belt. Women wore these in the 80's for a reason...because it works! Waist belts make your figure look amazing. Chunky, skinny, double wrapped, or braided, there are so many choices!

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    Pearls. It's not for grandmas anymore! Throw them on over a girly dress or over a tee and jeans, it's a great way to add just the right amount of class to your outfit.

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    Over-sized Handbags. These hold all your things, (cell phone, makeup, credit cards...) without sacrificing style. The best thing is, you can wear them with anything!

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    PWT. Plain white tees are also a must! There are probably a hundred ways to wear them. With jeans, with a skirt, under a dress, with a cardigan, under a blazer, with a scarf, and the list goes on!

    26 Days and Counting...

    photo credit: boo_licious

    That's how long I've been in school. It feels so much longer! For those of you who are still in school, you know what it's like. Horrible!
    Every morning I wake up at 5:45 am.
    I brush my teeth, wash my face, take a shower, get dressed, do my hair, do my makeup, eat breakfast (if I even have time!),then run out the door to catch the bus.
    It's not like my day gets any better either...
    I have to sit through hours of class and 20 minutes of disgusting food. Just to get out of school and ride home on a smelly, hot bus.
    Once I'm home I get to relax for a few hours, then it's homework then bed!
    So you see what I go through five days a week? Not fun, at all.
    Don't get me wrong, I like my friends, the people in my classes and the non-strict rules of highschool. But with the annoying teachers, hard homework and even harder tests, quizzes, and exams...it just doesn't make up for it.

    33 Mondays and 160 days of school to go...and I'm already exhausted!

    Sunday, September 12, 2010


    Sorry I haven't been posting, I'll post on Tuesday, I promise. I've been SUPER busy with my school and home life. Exams tomorrow and then Blogger was down for a couple of hours, so frustrating! Plus my birthday is coming up! As you can see in the countdown on the sidebar, on the right. I'll talk to you all later!

    Saturday, September 11, 2010

    photo credit: whatismykarma

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."
    -Helen Keller

    Friday, September 10, 2010

    Past, Present, Future

    The season premiere of Vampire Diaries was amazing! Katherine's only been in the episode one day and there is already so much drama. Then Caroline gets mixed up in all of this, is she even alive anymore?!
    Can't forget about Tyler...what is it that he hates living with? I'm thinking he may be a werewolf! I guess I'll have to wait till the next episode to find out.

    photo credit: www.duckydoestv.com

    Yesterday, after school, I was just watching television and relaxing and my mom calls. She called from work to tell me that she will, after all, be buying my shoes. I don't know what it is about these shoes, but I have to have them! So of course I was super excited and super happy!In fact, I'm ordering the shoes tonight.
    But what's really weird is that my astrology sign was right. My lucky numbers are 9 and 6. Because she called in September (9) on the 9th. It's creepy, but it amazes me...

    photo credit: Chako012

    Sunday, September 05, 2010

    Season Finales and Premieres

    photo credit: www.tvfanatic.com

    Last night I watched the past season finale of Vampire Diaries. It was amazing! I'm so shocked at what happened to all the vampires! I had no idea that the mayor was one.
    Then at the end, Katherine came back and killed John. I was so sure that was Elena kissing Damon on the porch. But I could not have been more wrong! It also shocked me at how evil Bonnie has become. She let all those vampires die down there and threatened to kill Damon if he drank any more human blood from an innocent human body. I would have never guessed she would become so evil.
    This Thursday, the season 2 premiere of Vampire Diaries comes on! I can't wait.

    I love Vampire Diaries, but my favorite show Criminal Minds has its season premiere Sept. 22! I watched the season finale last Wednesday. Hotch's ex-wife, who he is still in love with, gets murdered by Hotch's worst enemy..."The Reaper". I'm so anxious to see what happens to Hotch and his son. There is no way you can live a normal life knowing that you are the reason the woman you love is dead. How do you even explain that to your son? How do you tell him that his mom is dead because you wouldnt listen to The Reaper when he said to stop searching for him?
    This season premiere is going to be so intense! Is Agent Hotchner going to retire? I cant imagine the show without him!

    Anger, Sadness, Disappointment, Frustration...

    Have you ever been so frustrated you just cry?
    Well I was like that last night, and the night before. A little while ago, I did a post about all the gorgeous shoes I wanted for my birthday.
    Friday night, my mom comes home and I ask her if she's ready to order the shoes. She says "I wont be able to, I have to pay your brothers cell phone and the mortgage"
    Now, I understand that she has to pay bills, but first, she shouldn't be paying my brothers cell phone bill. He's 18, he needs to get a job and pay his own bill. And second, she shouldn't make promises that she cant keep.
    I got so upset, I ate dinner alone, and I went to bed without telling anyone "goodnight". The next morning (yesterday morning) I didn't talk to her at all and when she left for work, I didn't say "I love you, bye!"

    I may be overreacting but I hate when she promises me something, and never does it. Almost like she doesn't care about me. And now, I cant buy my birthday gift, while its on sale! FML.

    Friday, September 03, 2010

    "There's got to be something more to life than meets the eye if a guy without arms and legs is living a fuller life than I am." -Unknown, speaking of Nick Vujicic

    To find out more about Nick Vujicic's story, watch this video, or visit his website: attitudeisaltitude.com.

    Thursday, September 02, 2010

    10 Things I Want To Do Before I'm 40

    Vacation in another country. I'd love to visit New Zealand or Mexico.

     Get married. I want to fall in love and be with that person 'til the day that I die.

     Face a fear. I am acrophobic, I am terrified of heights! If I face that fear, I can do anything.

     Get a tattoo. I want to be able to look back and think "I remember the day I got this tattoo..."

    Go skinny dipping in the ocean. I've gone skinny dipping before, but doing it at the beach puts a new spin on it!

    Own over 40 pairs of shoes. It'd be nice to have a closet full of shoes. On my 40th birthday, I'll buy the 40th pair.

    Have my dream career. How many people can say that they love their job? Well I want to be one of them that do.

     Donate blood. Someone out there needs it more than I do.

    Eat at a fancy restaurant alone and enjoy it!

    Be a member of the audience in a t.v. show. Saturday Night Live anyone?

    In 25 years, I hope I'll have completed this list.