The Place I Used to Call "Home"

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Today I passed by my old house, the one the creditors took from us.

It was actually really hard for me, I expected that I would just see it and that would be it, but it really hurt.

The new owners rented the house and they also remodeled it.

I'll be the first to admit that the remodeling looks nice, but they also changed the color of it, the front door, the mail box--almost everything on the outside

It's like they erased everything about it that I loved. I grew up there, for most of my childhood, and now none of that even matters.

Someone is living there now, and it's not me...it's just hard to believe.

I wish I could go over there and steal the house, then kill them.

I hate that we had to leave, and I hate that I have to live in this ugly, smelly, small, 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, crammed, privacy-free townhouse in the most "ghetto" part of the neighborhood.

It just sucks.

I almost cried as I saw the house, seriously, I would do anything to have it back and live there again. ANYTHING.

Life is not the same anymore.

At first I was happy to leave the house, you know, not having to wake up everyday wondering if this was going to be the day that we were going to have to give up the house. But now...now I'm just sad about it. It's all gone.

You may think I'm just over reacting and that it's not "that big of a deal", but you're wrong. You'd never understand until it happens to you.

That house has so much history, so much of my life and now it's just gone and no one will even remember except for the people who lost part of their lives in that house.

My Best Moments of 2010

This year has gone by so fast. I can't believe it's about to be 2011!

It makes me go back to all the good times I had in 2010. All the wonderful things I was blessed with and got the opportunity to have. I want to share my first one with you...

Losing my house.
I really don't think I blogged about this, as I lost my house before I made this blog.

Losing my house was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life. I was incredibly upset and shocked that we could no longer live in the place I called home. It's a feeling I never want to feel again.
You may ask "Why is this one of your best moments then?".
Well, it made me realize how blessed I am. It also lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

Many people would look at this as a bad moment, but a little part of me is glad it happened. I sometimes look at this in the wrong way and I get angry that my life has turned out this way. When I lived in my old house, I was always worried. Always scared. I was always anxious about the day that we would just not be able to afford it anymore. When we'd have to give it up.
I never wanted to be in a position where I was homeless. That scared me more than anything.

When we finally left the house, I was worry free. I slept better than I had ever slept in five years.  I woke up with a feeling of freedom. Like I never had to worry about a thing ever again.
It made me cry to think about how horrible I felt when I was at that house. Now, I can live a great, peaceful life.

It made me stronger, happier, it made me a better person. I know realize how lucky I am. Now I can start over and make something good out of what has happened.

I'll never forget my old house, but this move, this step-up in life, will forever be one of the best moments of my life.