Lost Friendship

I don't deserve to have Eva as a friend. She has always been there for me and has done twists and turns to keep me happy when I needed it most. But where am I when she needs me?

No where.

I'm just at home, sitting on my ass and being lazy.

Her birthday was last week and only just realized a few days ago. I didn't call her, meet up with her or even get her a gift!

I'm a horrible best friend.

I have known her for almost six years now and I couldn't even remember to dial her phone number and  tell her "Happy Birthday, I love you". Nope, not even that.

And then I thought it would be okay to send her a message on Facebook apologizing and telling her I'd have a gift for her.

Really? That's how I make up for being a shitty friend?

I was shocked, but happy, when she replied and didnt seem upset. Even though I know she was.

I don't know what has happened to me. I've been so lost in life and I really do not know what is going on. I've lost touch with my friends and have to force myself to call them or talk to them.

I want to keep Eva as a friend but now I don't know if she wants to have me as a friend. A friendship has to work on both ends.

We're currently planning a sleepover but I don't know if it's going to work out and I really don't know what it's going to be like if it does. It will be awkward since we dropped from being best friends to just...friends. Or at least that's how I feel.

I feel so horrible. I miss being her friend, I miss the way things used to be, when I wasn't so distant.

I blame the 8th grade. I blame society. I blame school. But maybe I should just be blaming myself.

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side." ~Author Unknown