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| photo credit: healthjockey.com |
My confidence is at an all time low. You probably hear these things all the time. But it's a completely different thing for me. All through junior high, I was nothing but confident. No matter what people said to or about me, I wouldn't care. I loved myself enough to not let it get to me.
But ever since this summer, when a couple of guys at Wisconsin thrashed my self esteem, my confidence has been very vulnerable. Anytime I suspect a guy saying I'm ugly or hear someone say I'm ugly, my confidence gets weaker and weaker.
It's weird because I still get plenty of attention from guys, but still, I don't feel secure. Looking in the mirror at school is torture. Maybe it's the bad lighting, or maybe I think that I look the way that I feel. But anytime I look in the bathroom mirror at school, I find myself unattractive. Not all bathrooms of course. In PE bathrooms, I think I look attractive. Plus, at home, I think I look attractive in mirrors.
I hate being like this. I hate feeling like this. I do not like to complain, but I cant help but to right now. I keep telling myself
"Who cares, I got asked out just last week."
or "God thinks I'm beautiful, no one else matters."
or "If I think I'm pretty, then they shouldn't matter"
Slowly, I am rebuilding my confidence. It's not everyday I feel this horrible...but it's too many days. I hope no one else has to go through this, and I hope if someone does, they can be strong enough to handle anything that comes toward them. Life is crazy, but it can get better. And for me, it will.
"It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful." -Bill Cosby
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." -Helen Keller
"Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart." -Nate Dircks
