As always, I'm talking about sex, abstinence, and my friends. What's one more time, right?
Today I woke up to my friend Sabrina messaging me and telling me every little detail of her date the day before. She's been talking to this guy for months, let's call him Ben, and they finally met up at the movies. From what she told me, they did not watch that movie at all!
Apparently they were touching all over each other. She gave him a handjob, she got rubbed all over the place and squeezed all over the place, and they made out for half the movie. I'm not upset about it or jealous or anything.
Just feeling pressured.
I hate to make this about me, but what the hell, this is my blog. I feel like I need to jump on the bandwagon of girls with little to no self-respect.
I mean, don't you want to get to know the guy first and see if he's just looking for some girl to satisfy him or if he actually cares about you and likes you? I don't like to regret anything. Therefore I don't want to do something I'm not ready for.
Not only am I scared of her heart getting broken by this player, but I'm also scared she will do something she will regret, or worse--get an STD or get pregnant. I know for a fact they plan to have sex since he's a guy and she's one of those dumb, horny girls on that same wagon.
I know I'm speaking horribly of my friend and if she ever saw this she wouldn't ever speak to me again, but I can't help but feel the way I feel. I was raised different than this and will always stand by those values.
And it's not just Sabrina and Ben, but it's Eva and Jackass, and a million of my other friends that are having sex. Even Sean has talked about his sexual relationships! I really did and do plan on waiting, but I just feel like eventually sex is all my friends will talk about and I won't be able to relate to them anymore. Not only that but I'll feel awkward and left out. Almost like I need to find some random guy to have sex with just so I can carry a conversation with them.
It's time like these where I feel so confused. And I don't like to talk to anyone about it because no one understands. They just tell me "sex isn't that big of a deal, calm down". Yeah, maybe not to you, or the majority of the world, but to me it is and always will be. It's just hard for me to understand how little people care.
And to answer your question, yes, I will be "waiting my turn". I don't plan on losing my virginity until I'm ready.