I'm beginning to see a new light to abstinence and having sex before marriage.
I'm not sure if I want to be abstinence for religious (I'm Catholic) or moral reasons.
Maybe I need that security of being with someone who is in a committed relationship since I don't want another guy to leave my life (my father), or maybe it's because I'm secretly afraid of being alone or rejected.
But then I think about how religious I am and I can't bear the thought of losing my virginity without being married first. It just doesn't feel right.
Is it selfish to ask the man I love to wait for me? To marry me if he ever wants to have sex?
Is it wrong to deny my feelings and wants by putting marriage in the way? What if we get a divorce? What if sexually, we aren't compatible but we're already married to each other?
Some people do not get married until they are in their 30's, 40's even 50's. And some people don't get married at all. I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin.
For the most part, I still want to wait. I really, really do. But then again I can't have sex without someone else and what if the man I love disagrees with my decision of abstinence?
I've been thinking about this for months and with all the pressure of sex at school (3 of my friends are already getting into it)...I just don't know.